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Humour of the moment

Joke of the moment

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so. The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.
Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength...and the tools to cross this river."

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.
The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...and the intelligence... to cross this river."

And, poof! God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, and then walked across the bridge.

Can you read this?

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg.

The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at
Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteersin a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae.
The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm.

Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef,
but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling
was ipmorantt!

Euro-English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby  English will be the official language of the European Union rather than  German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British  Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and  has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as  "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft  "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.  

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k".  This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.  

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the  sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will  make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new  spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes  are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have  always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the  silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.  

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps  such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be  dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil  sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and  evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil  finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking  German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

For further info in UK call 01273 463611 or 07986 561860
Email: info@positivecomedy.com

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